This post isn’t going to have much to do with personal finances at all. I tell my clients that financial planning is really planning for when life happens. Well, life happened to me in the past year. I was born on Father’s Day in 1985 so it’s always been a holiday I had a connection with, yet I never gave much thought to it and what Father’s Day actually meant until now (unfortunately, in my family, we didn’t pay much attention to “Father’s Day” in its own right-- even though my Dad was one of the best).
This Father’s Day, I find myself in a unique position – it’s my first Father’s Day as a Dad, but also the first Father’s Day without my own Dad.
As referenced in my very first post, my Dad was diagnosed with Stage 4 pancreatic cancer in the winter of 2018. If you can make it more than 12 months with that diagnosis, you are considered one of the “lucky ones.” My Dad made it about 20 months and passed away in October of 2019. I was fortunate to have spent his last moments by his side, telling him I loved him and how much he meant to me. My Dad was, and will always be, my hero.
Becoming a father was one of the most nerve-wracking moments of my life. My wife had been in labor for 30 hours before the Doctor decided to do a C-section. Seeing our daughter for the first time filled me full of emotions I will never be able to describe. I was so full of love for her and so proud of everything my wife went through to get her here. A few days later, my wife developed preeclampsia post-partum and needed to stay in the hospital to make sure she didn’t have a stroke, seizure, or worse. She made it without any more issues, but it did make for quite the scare. The first week of Monroe’s life was intense!
Once we finally got out of the hospital – it set in -- I was a Dad. I had never changed a diaper or given a baby a bottle before, but it was something I figured out very quickly. Watching Monroe grow and learn so much the past 9 months has been so much greater than I ever could have imagined. But in that joy, I find myself questioning if I’m going to be a “good” Dad. Am I going to teach our daughter all the tools she needs to succeed in life? Probably not. Am I going to embarrass our daughter so badly in front of her friends that she will tell me she needs therapy? Probably. Are there going to be times our daughter thinks I’m the lamest person on the planet? You can guarantee it.
And in these moments, I think about my own Dad and what he taught me. Was he perfect? Definitely not, no one is. But he did an incredible job raising his children. My Dad’s father passed away when my Dad was only four years old, so he didn’t have much memory of him. My Dad didn’t have a father to reference when he became one – but he figured it out anyway.
I don’t have to be perfect to be the best dad for our daughter. But there are some life lessons my Dad lived by that I am going to do my best to instill in her.
Starting with: Always Be Kind.
Especially in today’s world and everything that is currently happening, we could all use a little more of this. My Dad was one of the kindest people I know. He was always looking to help others, even if it meant sacrificing something himself. Being kind to others is one of the easiest things you can do to make life better for those around you.
Do The Right Thing.
My Dad always did the right thing. He did things on the “up and up” and never tried to get one by or take advantage of a situation. His moral compass always pointed North. There are countless stories of my Dad helping others because it was the right thing to do – even though no one would have faulted him for not doing so. He did his best to see the good in people and tried to help them reach their full potential.
Work Hard and Good Things Will Come.
Almost immediately after graduating from college, my Dad ended up running a beer wholesale business with his Mother (who was remarkable in her own right, but that is for another blog post). He would do any job there was – mopping floors to driving trucks and making deliveries to invoicing and accounting. As a small business owner, a lot fell on his shoulders. It made for long days and working weekends – but I could never tell as a child how much work he was putting in. When he was home, he was present and made sure to give his kids his undivided attention. Through a lot of hard work over the decades, my Dad saw through so many goals he had set out for. There were many ups and downs, and even some complete roadblocks along the way. But my Dad did everything he could to keep moving the business forward.
There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t think about my Dad. I don’t need one day in June to remind me how much he meant to me and how much I miss him. There are days I am flat out angry at the world for taking him before he could see his grandchildren grow. But in those days of anger, I remind myself he had a huge impact on those who knew him. These 3 principles I think defined his character are ones I aim to live by as well. And if I can teach our daughter these things – well then, the memory of my Dad will never go away. That’s what I’ve learned as life happened.
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About The Author
Shaun Melby, CFP® provides fee-only financial planning and investment management services in Nashville, TN. Melby Wealth Management serves clients as a fiduciary and never earns a commission of any kind. Shaun has over 10 years of experience as a financial advisor in Nashville.